walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
