some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
