He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
