Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
