currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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