HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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