took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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