mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
