the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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