i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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