My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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