remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
