this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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