You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize