I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
