he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
