"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
