i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
