i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
