guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
