We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
