I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
