felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize