I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
