Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
