thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
