Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
