so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize