Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
