I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
