the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
