I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
