I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
