my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wish I only lived at night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
