textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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