im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
