Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
