My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
