I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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