Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize