So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize