"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize