i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
