uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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