I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
