oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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