She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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