I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
