i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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