remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You made out with two different species that night
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
