How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
