Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
