I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
