Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
