I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize