We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
