dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
