i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize