booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
