if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
