It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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