She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
