Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
