I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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