12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
