I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
