the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
