A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Houston, we have a blender
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
