dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize