so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
