Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You made out with two different species that night
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
