Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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