you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
