Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
