Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
