I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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