So drunk its hurt
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
