I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
