no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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