yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
