So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
