At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
