I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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