You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize