hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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