rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
