escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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