Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize