i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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