it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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