Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
