Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
send nudes
from the living room?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
