wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize