Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
