but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
