you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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