Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
