Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize