Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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