last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
