so explain again why im purple
no
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My feet surprised me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
