He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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