Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
