How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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