i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
