Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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