her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
