She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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