im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
