i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
