chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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