I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
