Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we're making bets on your personal life
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
