I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
