Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
