i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
